so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
