Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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