sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
