Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
