i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
