so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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