Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
