You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
