Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
