All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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