The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish you could order shots online.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
