it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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