Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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