Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
