My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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