ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
