Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
