I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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