I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
