some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
