not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
