I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
