And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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