Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
