You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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