i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
