I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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