So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
