were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
