Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
