I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
