Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
