chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
