It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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