oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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