I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
