So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
