If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
