this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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