my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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