i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
