You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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