We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
