So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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