you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
