hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
