i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
