He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize