I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
