...so i touched it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My bed smells like the plague
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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