So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
