There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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