like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
