Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
