I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
