and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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