she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
