Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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