man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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