Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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