he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
