Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
