My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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