You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
