Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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