I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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