I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
