boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
