I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize