a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
