I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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