last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
