The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
