Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
